Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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