I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
