I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
