I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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