how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
