2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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