so let's talk penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
