Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
