Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
