your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
