I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
