I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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