I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
