I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
