This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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