Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dicks are not precious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
