my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
