mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
