I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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