dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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