I think i peed on brittanys purse
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
