And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
