Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
