So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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