I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
