I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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