that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
