It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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