That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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