i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
