I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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