I just cut my nipple shaving
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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