and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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