Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
