It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
