I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
