I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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