My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
