So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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