how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
