"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your cock deserves a montage
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
