Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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