i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
