chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
