i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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