HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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