if you like me you must not know who I am
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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