The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
