You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
