So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
